FORGETTING IS KEY TO FORGIVENESS. Letter to my friends(Part 9)

I was just musing on forgiveness one day and I posted the phrase in the title of this page on Facebook. Not surprisingly, a couple of my friends commented, and albeit most reasonably, that one can forgive, but may not forget, because the scar and the hurt at times bring with it memories etc.

My take is simple: Forgiveness is complete when you forget. What do I mean by forgetting? Let us take a dictionary meaning of 'forget' my dictionary defines it as ''to cease or fail to remember' or 'to fail to think of; take no note of...
and how about 'forgive' my dictionary states: 'to cease to feel resentment against. or 'to give up all claim on account of...debt or obligation.

If we take time to muse over the two definitions, we would see that they both carry a common denomination: to cease. To cease means, to stop doing something. It is my conclusion therefore that before we can fully say that we have forgiven we must be able to say that we have forgotten. The reason being that if you still feel hurt, it is sure difficult for you to say you have forgiven. Those who have taken me up on this conclusion, have said, you may forgive, but you don't have to forget, because you still see the person or the scar and the feeling etc, and hence it is not easy to just forget. I agree, but let us call a spade a spade. It simply means that if you still feel hurt, you still feel some element of resentment for what the person who hurt you have done. That period of 'thinking and hurting' cannot be total forgiveness. I am not saying that you wont remember, what I am canvassing is that when you have fully forgiven, even if you remember you will not feel any hurt. Your relationship will return to an 'abnitio' a state as if you never had a disagreement. It can be difficult, but it is not impossible. Let us look at Christ's example as a typical example:

The Bible says in Psalm 25v7 that God because of His goodness, does not remember the sins of our youth. See Hebrews 10:17. In Matt 5:23-24, it is emphasised that if you come to church and you remember that someone has an issue with you, you must leave your offering and return to resolve issue with that person. Jesus taught us about the frequency, so that we forgive and forget as a matter of cause, notwithstanding how many times. Matt 18:22-23

Most of the times, we don't have great problem with forgiveness, our challenge comes from forgetting. You can do it.

Comments

  1. David Babatunde Adetoye4 May 2012 at 10:02

    My understanding on the issue of FORGIVE AND FORGET.
    Very simple, the answer is obvious....look at the two words, remove "for" before each word what are you left with GIVE and GET.
    when you forGIVE the other person receives something, when you forGET you receive something.
    It is not particularly wise to not complete the process, when you GIVE do not be so foolish not to GET. Giving is not complete when there is no getting.

    David Babatunde Adetoye

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tayo Arowojolu9 May 2012 at 17:36

      wow! never thought of it that way. Thanks. We learn every day! and we GET everyday

      Delete

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