Mentorship on Relationship: the discussions(2)

Ever so wonderful on the day. 40 things I want and you want. Funny, that we had common wants and don't want. Not to our amazement, but quite fascinating, we learnt that itS not mY problem or her problem, but Men issues and Women issues.

Principle: An average man will want what an average woman may not deliver. An average woman may want what an average man may not deliver. The result: the law of the average can never deliver the best result. Compromise: Negotiate, so that the average man will become what the average woman wants, vice versa.

So why? Some say, women are emotional, and Men are Logical. Emotional being allowing one's heart to determine what one's head is asking for, and logical being allowing one's head to determine what one's heart is asking for...lol. But really, it just cant be that every woman is emotional and every man is logical. Mentor advised that most of the time it may seem so, but usually logic is found in emotion and emotion is found in logic. And the conclusion is not the how, but the lessons of the situation and result you have in your decisions. So why? someone said its better for men to reach a logical conclusion/decision and deliver it in an emotional manner. I like this. It follows that women can also reach an emotional decision and deliver it by logical manner to the man.

Principle: "Deliver a logical decision garnished in emotional stew..."

For the man, mostly is about respect and submission; for the woman, its mostly about Love ad affection.

Conflict Resolution stages:1 being the least helpful, 7 being the most useful
1. Walk out/walk away...known as kindergarten manner of conflict resolution
2. Stay quiet: Known as the dumb and dumber
3. Admit and not sorry: victim but not vanquished
4. Admit and say sorry: Hands up..up up
5. Admit, say sorry and show affection...Hands up..up..up and kiss
6. Admit, say sorry, show affection and share words...No victor no vanquished No trophy, just Joy.
7. Pray... Pre-emptive Prayers work best

Phrase: Avoid "I am giving my best..."
Say what can I do to give you your best"

and many more...

Comments

  1. Hakeem12 July 2010 at 20:22

    Last session was really an eye opener. Whoever said that being the head must be bossy (Lesson 1).

    As for our fathers, Uncles and our culture, they all have a lot to answer for.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Akinwale12 July 2010 at 23:56

    Hi all, for me it's a whole new experience with the mentoring group and I'm confident of the of the numerous benefits that will flow in.
    Akin

    ReplyDelete
  3. Tunde Somuyiwa14 July 2010 at 12:24

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Tunde Somuyiwa14 July 2010 at 12:29

    Great men of Vine
    .Last weeks lesson has turned my own home around...I have taken all those principles on board and the one that works for me most is the one that says "The man and the woman are on the same level" With these I have conquered all other things.....

    The joy of the class was also when I got a phone call from my good friend who I happened to be his best man when he got married telling me how he intends to call it off with his wife as all his expectations about marriage has not been meet. With what I learnt on Saturday i was able to advise and counsel him with the use case of "logic vs emotion" and also what worked for me in terms of having it in your head that after all you and your wife are on the same level...I felt really good when he called to thank me the next day. He mentioned one thing which stock to me…....."He said I have only been managing my marriage with what I know". So this tells me one thing… that pre-marriage counselling is not enough ingredient to build a happy home, you also need post-marriage classes.....

    See you all at the Loye’s in August

    ReplyDelete
  5. Tunde Somuyiwa14 July 2010 at 14:30

    http://nigeriaworld.com/feature/publication/awodele/070910.html

    ReplyDelete
  6. Akinwale14 July 2010 at 23:40

    Uhmmm,I cannot agree more with you you Tunde over post-marriage counselling and I believe that being part of a group like Vine's will inspire you to want to succeed in all spheres of life, marriage inclusive. Afterall, it's been said that a man who cannot manage his home falls short of the ability to manage anything else. It's not about perfection but, the impetus to renew minds and constant learning. Show me a man who has learnt it all and I will show you a dead man. Like my mentor would say: 'life is not a dress rehearsal'. Sometimes, I wish it is.
    Akin

    ReplyDelete
  7. lanre onikan15 July 2010 at 22:23

    I feel blessed been part of vmg,learnt so much in the space of three weeks,people say oh you get angry so quick but now i know its just extreme irritation. I have also learnt my best might not be good enough for her, if her best is a ferrari, then i need to step up my game.

    ReplyDelete

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